Time After Time
by possessed by the anime
Summary: Time after time... if I could have met you in the city of changing hues, I wouldn't need any more promises. More than anyone else, you are so easy to hurt. I want to be with you this time, forever.


Guess who's back! Yes, I have to finish my other fic. I know, I know... but I heard this beautiful song by Mai Kuraki, then I looked at the translation, and I was like, "OMFG! I have to do a songfic on this! It's just so perfect for those characters!"

So, here we are. This is pretty sad... but I'm debating about extending it... nah, scratch that... I'll start a NEW fic using the same couple...

But first things first. Here's some helpful stuff from the website where I got the translations, animelyrics(dot)com (song available at gendou(dot)com):

"A 'hanamidou' is a hall set up in front of every Buddhist temple and decorated with many beautiful flowers. This tradition commemorates the Buddha's birthday on April 8."

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The wind gently whispers through my hair. I stare at the card in my hand, lovingly, as it refeshes the treasured memory of your face, your strength, your determination to protect me. You are not a person anymore, only a beautiful memory. 

The familiar thought crosses my mind once again; what if you had stayed the first time we met? What if we had become fully aquainted that night? Had I known you for the goddess you were, perhaps I would not have watched you fade into the starry sky.

_If I had been able to meet you_

_I wouldn't have let go of you ever again _

I lift my hand to catch the sakura petals that come with a fresh gust of wind. I am not a Buddhist, nor have I ever been. Yet this spring I visit a nearby shrine, to stare at the hanamidou. Only to think of you, and our sacred vows.

_The hanamidou_

_Tells of the end of spring_

_One petal from this misty flower..._

Your presence is always with me now. I see your face all over the city. I can hear and feel your passion, no matter where I am. Sometimes I can imagine you writing or singing, thinking of me all the while. There are some things in particular that seem to reach out to me, calling me, reminding me...

_And an old song floats back_

_Gently, even now, into my heart_

I would like to believe I do not need to be reminded. But apparently I do, as is especially evident after watching our final moments together, this time from the sidelines. Images, vivid and haunting as ever, run though my mind like a slideshow. Not that I mind. I was lucky to have ever come across you. I was lucky to have found you again. I was lucky to have found you, the one who could save me, who could show me the light of love. I was lucky... or, as I have wondered many times before, perhaps we were meant to find one another. Maybe some higher power was smiling on us.

_Time after time_

_The miracle of meeting you _

_In a city where the wind whispered through_

_We walked a path through the hills hand in hand_

_And made an unforgettable promise_

I will never forget you. Even if I am too weak to keep my promise to protect you, this at least you can be sure of. There will forever be a place for you in my heart. You are my guiding light, my guardian angel, though you may not know it. Life continues its natural course, time goes on, seasons change, but my heart's devotion to you will never die.

_I can hear your voice in the wind_

_The thin ice freezes back over_

Was it childish of me to imagine that we would find each other again? Yet we did... so maybe not. But I had always believed it would be a happy reunion, not a fleeting moment. I was far too innocent, too immature to think of what else could happen. I only wanted to catch another glimpse of you. I never thought I might lose you forever.

_Long ago memories_

_Not knowing to be afraid of hurt, I swore_

_That someday, we'd meet again_

Did you know what would happen? Did you know what kind of pain the future held for us? Did you smile to comfort me, or to give me one last image to remember you by? Or were you truly happy, when I all but announced to the world how I felt about you?

_Here, in a season of pale crimson_

_With smiles on our faces_

I often returned to that spot, long after you were gone. Only me, the wind, and scattered memories. I can never go back to that day, I know, but I always wish I could. I want to do the whole thing over again, anything to prevent what happened to you. I held you close, calling your name, begging and pleading you to return to me. But you never did.

_Time after time_

_Alone in the city of whirling blossoms_

_Can't return to when things were fine_

_In this very same place, just like on that day_

_With my face strewn with tears, I waited for you_

I am alone now, save for the sakura petals floating around me. If those petals were people, would the wind be death? Pulling them away from the tree, away from life... away from everything they know and love, into the whirling abyss.

_Those petals fly in the whirling wind_

_As if stroking the water's surface_

_In my anguish, I treasure each and every one..._

Are you one to settle on the water, finding peace in the next life? Or are you still flying, still searching for paradise? I know where I am. I am still in this world, still on the tree, the wind pulling mercilessly on me, the branch refusing to let me go. I cannot stay in this world without you without completely losing my sanity, yet I cannot follow you. I have too much to live for.

_Everyone says that they're lonely_

_That they have to keep searching_

_For someone_

So here I am, torn between waiting for death and an absolute determination to live. When it is finally my time, will you be waiting for me on the other side? Will you remember me? I can't help but wonder if Yuugi-- Atemu-- ever felt this way. If only we'd had some time after we were shown the truth about the past. I wish I could have talked to him. Would he have had some idea of what this feels like? Or wouldn't he... for most of his life as a spirit, he remembered nothing of who he was. And for most of my life, I remembered nothing of you.

_But all they end up chasing after_

_Are the fleeting and fragile_

If only you were there. If only your hand never fell, if only your eyes never closed. No... if only we had more time to know each other when we were children. Had you stayed then, I would have grown up differently. I would not have lived off of scattered memories and long-forgotten vows. I would have learned how to love so much earlier. I would have been a different man-- a better man. Perhaps I would be different even in this life.

_Time after time_

_If I could have met you in the city of changing hues_

_I wouldn't need any more promises _

Right now, I can barely identify the scattered emotions in my heart. Among them... regret, sorrow, loss... but something else as well. And... I am sorry. I am sorry for my complete failure at protecting the most important thing that day...

_More than anyone else_

You. I failed you. As the last shred of energy left you, I could think of nothing to do but watch in horror. Your last breath was used to say my name, one final time. And then... you were gone.

_You are so easy to hurt _

I have nothing to give you now but one last wish. One last thing before I leave the sakura petal sanctuary. Even if we should never meet again, I will try my best to redeem myself. I want to be good enough to go where you are, when my time comes. I want to see you. I want to tell you how I feel. Why I come here time after time, why I constantly think of you. I want to tell you... I want to do it all over...

_I want to be with you-- this time, forever._

_

* * *

_

Aww, poor guy... ;.;

Sad...

Please review!


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